Letting Tears Flow

Melody Latimer


At some point, everyone will have to deal with
loss and
grief. Whether it’s the loss of a pet, relative, or friend, it can
affect us in
ways we never expected. I recently suffered a loss that was
unexpected and
quite possibly the hardest thing I’ve ever had to endure in my

We hear sayings like, “What doesn’t kill us
makes us
stronger?” and “There’s a purpose in everything.” In the moment,
these things
can sound like, “You’re making a bigger deal out of this than is
I’ve been lucky to not hear any of those dismissive statements.

But there are some lessons I have learned:

Take your time.
There’s no set amount of time that you are supposed to handle getting over the loss of
someone or
something you care about. Sometimes, you never get over the loss, and it’s just a matter of
learning to live your
life with what has happened.

Find people who
can help and support you.
Many of us live needing support
every day. In
times of loss, it’s even more important to have help and support
that goes beyond
the day to day. In my situation, I really had to identify what was
This meant talking to people about what was and was not happening.
Then the
next step of asking for that help and support. For me, it was
finding 2-3
people who I could depend on to coordinate that support as well.

Crying is not a
bad thing.
If you don’t cry in times of loss and grief, I’m
not saying you
have to. But, if you need to, know that it is fine to cry. It’s
really not a
bad thing. It is actually a good thing if that is what you need. I
feel like a
lot of us are told that you can’t cry about things or that we’re
being bad or
defiant or something just overall negative if we do. It’s just not

Talk about how
you are feeling often.
Even if you’re not talking to the
same person, or if
you’re saying the same things, or if you’re just putting it out
there not to
any particular person, talk often about how you are feeling. Even
if there are
no exact words, talk about that confusion. Just talk, talk, talk.
Typing, or
art, or out loud, or through music, just get your emotions out.
Eventually, it
will make sense even if not to you, but to someone, who can help
you through
the tangled web of emotions. By not keeping it to yourself, you
can start crawl
forward, step forward, walk forward, run forward and eventually
re-enter the
world that paused.

Grief is a hard thing. Sometimes it can take
hours, days,
weeks, months, years to learn to live with. It’s not about
becoming stronger.
It’s not about learning some grand lesson. It’s just a part of
life that we
must all endure. I just hope that I can teach something to make it
easier for
you when it’s your turn.