I feel things so intensely, and when that’s a good emotion, it’s the best thing in the world. I feel joy with every bone in my body. When someone else is happy, I feel it too.
Category: acceptance
When we are far more willing to believe in the capacity for communication of animals and aliens than we are in that of nonspeaking and intellectually disabled autistic people, and extend our research and creativity towards mutual understanding, no, I have to reject the assertion that “Some autistic people just can’t communicate.”
The autistic community owes it to the next generation to show them that the world has a place for them, and that in this place they will always be welcome. All autistics deserve to accept themselves for who they are.
I believe that the best way to understand autistic minds is in terms of a thinking style which tends to concentrate resources in a few interests and concerns at any time, rather than distributing them widely.
Recently my teen autistic son and I walked around a fancy shopping center, while his sibling was at a nearby appointment (public strolls are not always something he can do, but that day he was up for it). We ambled past the coin collector’s shop and the jodhpurs boutique, then popped into the housewares store—just in case they had any unintentionally awesome fidget toys (which, being gadget central, of course they did). Finding delight in utilitarian objects is part of what being autistic means for my son. Another part is being a traveling one-person party. I go with his flow, as long as he’s not actively disrupting others’ spaces. So as we wound our way past the store’s racks of remarkably specialized cooking items, and just as I was getting worried about the audibility of his new-fidget-propelled joy, one of the cashiers called out, “Hey guys, how are you doing?”…
It’s important to avoid infantilising your teen or adult autistic offspring, meaning treating them as though they will always be a child—whether they’re five, fifteen or thirty-five.
I’m angry about the sudden popularity of fidget spinners, but probably not for the reasons you think. I’m not mad that they’re disruptive in class, or obnoxiously trendy. I’m furious because of what they reveal about societal power structures, and the pathologizing of disabled people by non-disabled persons.
I am all about helping parents learn from my mistakes, so they don’t repeat my mistakes. Here are five bonks I made during the early years of parenting my autistic son, and how you can avoid repeating my fails.
Full normalisation of autism would require a substantially broader concept of ‘normality.’ It would mean acceptance of autistic people who are non-speaking, an understanding of meltdowns, and general awareness of the dangers of sensory overload.
I regret that I didn’t give my non-speaking son the opportunities to display an interest in things that I assumed he wouldn’t understand. I regret that my assumptions limited him when they should have been expanding his world.