social skills

Photo of a red humanoid toy with a square head and googly eyes. Its mouth is downturned as though sad, and its limbs are raised toward its head.

Accepting Compliments While Autistic

Many autistic people find accepting compliments and being kind to ourselves difficult, especially if our experience has been that other people lambast us if we dare to exist openly while autistic.

Photograph of an Asian person with yellow, white, and purple hair in a long straight bob. They have black dots speckled above their nose and between their eyebrows, and yellow makeup above their eyes. Their eyes are looking to the side and their facial expression is one of anxiety.

Considering Interpersonal Skills For Autistic People

Autistic people are usually left to our own devices when it comes to navigating a social world defined by non-autistic rules. And when we make social errors, it’s very common to wish to retreat. Here are some (hopefully) comforting guidelines for such situations.

Black-and-white photo of two young embracing Black children, one with a shaved head, light button up shirt, and dark pants, the other with a  white horizontal-striped tank dress and long box braids.

Teach Social Skills As Values, Not Like Computer Programs

Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) taught me that social skills were context-free rules I had to follow: forcing my hands to be quiet, staring back at eyeballs that bored into mine, contorting myself to make myself look less autistic at the expense of my happiness and overall well-being.

Two people fishing on a riverbank, as seen from behind.

Social Skills: Context Matters

So what’s going on here? Does my autistic son lack social skills or does he not? The answer is that context matters. Socializing costs a lot of tokens. When he is in a situation that is already difficult for him, he won’t have those tokens to spare.

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