One of our autistic community members, who was frustrated with being treated dismissively by non-autistic people, asked us this question via email. Another of our autistic community members answered the question, with both thoughtfulness and strategic advice. The two then gave us permission to post their exchange. We hope readers who are not autistic will show respect by listening, learning, and asking questions if appropriate; and that those who are autistic will find (and share) their own strategies and advice. —- Question for autistic people: How do you not have hate in your heart? I got into a discussion with several people who are not on the spectrum, and was just battered from all sides by ableism, willful ignorance and ad hominem attacks. No one was interested in what I had to say. I was called selfish, stuck up, angry, and expletives I can’t repeat here. I was even told…
Tag: community
This month we’re asking our autistic community members What Do You Want? What Do You Need? We’ll be featuring their answers all April long, right here. Please read, listen, and share. Today we’re having a conversation with autistic advocate Star Ford. Star is the program manager of Ócate Cliffs, a planned mountain retreat for groups of 20-60, located near Ócate, New Mexico in the Sangre de Cristo mountains. A group of autistic people are building this retreat center from the ground up. What was the inspiration for Ócate Cliffs? It ties together many threads in my life from separate origins. A huge one is the experience of being in autistic space and other retreat settings, including Autreat, where I felt incredibly whole and accepted instead of broken and stressed. Other inspirations are my love of the mountains and environmental issues, as well as architecture and building. What is the mission…
We’ve updated our comment policy. Short version: Please keep comments on topic, and please do so without making conflicts of opinion personal. We want TPGA and TPGA Facebook to be forums in which people feel comfortable discussing and debating autism topics. We do our best to moderate threads and encourage respectful disagreement. However, as we are a tiny team of volunteers, we may not be able to moderate in real time. If you feel we have missed a moderation opportunity, please notify us at thinkingautism@gmail.com. The main part of our updated commenting policy is below. The full TPGA comment policy can be found at www.thinkingautismguide.com/p/community-guide.html, and is also linked in our website’s header as (wait for it) Comment Policy. —- The purpose of Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism is to share and discuss information from Autistics, professionals, and parents, as guided by our Mission Statement. We encourage an ongoing dialogue…
Beth Ryan www.loveexplosions.net So, as an administrator of Parenting Autistic Children with Love and Acceptance, I’ve seen a lot of questions from parents asking, “Where were you when Kelli Stapleton needed help with her daughter, Issy?” And, “Did you donate to Issy’s treatment?” These questions are asked of Autistic activists and parents of Autistic children who are outraged at the attempted murder of Issy by her own mother, Kelli. Those that have zero empathy for Kelli. Those that believe that parents that would murder their own disabled children are as accountable as parents that murder their own non-disabled children–and that the prosecution of these criminals should reflect that without exception. Oh no, you do not get to lay the blame of this massive tragedy at my feet or at those of Autistic activists. Let me start by telling you where I was. I was first, and foremost, taking care of my own…
Ariane Zurcher emmashopebook.com I was alerted to an article written by Dr. Michael Oberschneider entitled Ask Dr. Mike: Expecting and Anxious About Autism. In the piece he writes, “Some of the happiest parents I know (both personally and professionally) have children on the Autistic Spectrum.” In the comments section people weighed in with their thoughts. Many parents wrote of their outrage (and a few of their disbelief) that Dr. Mike suggest “happy” parents of Autistic children even exist. They seemed to equate happiness with a lack of concern. A number of parents suggested that Dr. Mike was simply wrong and refused to believe that he could actually know such parents. One person went so far as to suggest he was trying to trump up more clients, which is an interesting idea, but the logic of that argument eludes me. Before I go any further, I have to say this — there was…
Melody Latimer asparenting.com At some point, everyone will have to deal with loss and grief. Whether it’s the loss of a pet, relative, or friend, it can affect us in ways we never expected. I recently suffered a loss that was unexpected and quite possibly the hardest thing I’ve ever had to endure in my life. We hear sayings like, “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger?” and “There’s a purpose in everything.” In the moment, these things can sound like, “You’re making a bigger deal out of this than is necessary.” I’ve been lucky to not hear any of those dismissive statements. But there are some lessons I have learned: Take your time. There’s no set amount of time that you are supposed to handle getting over the loss of someone or something you care about. Sometimes, you never get over the loss, and it’s just a matter of…
This April will once again be Autism Acceptance Month on Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism, in the spirit of Paula Durbin-Westby’s Autism Acceptance Day and Month initiative at autismacceptanceday.blogspot.com, and ASAN’s Autism Acceptance Month project. We want to help make April matter, in terms of helping spread the word and further acceptance and understanding of autistic experiences, happiness, and rights — and we’d like you to participate if you’re willing and available. Here’s what to do: Please send us a post or captioned picture that represents the message or story you’d like thousands of people to see and/or hear for Autism Acceptance Month. It doesn’t have to be an original submission (we understand that everybody wants something from our community members during April), but you do need to own the copyright. Submissions can be emailed to thinkingautism at gmail dot com. That’s it. We’ll publish a new essay, story, or…
Robert Moran blog.robertmoran.org Today I went to my first meetup for autistic people. It was both eye opening and interesting, I honestly had never spent much time with other autistic people. In fact I have never met any other autistic people in real life before. All of my friends and coworkers are neurotypical. So it was like meeting me for the first time. The last time I had ever spent any time with an autistic person was when I met Temple Grandin at an autism conference at UCLA 20 years ago. Yes that Temple Grandin and yes 20 years ago. The group was fairly diverse in ethnicity and age. As I looked around the room I saw myself being reflected back at me. That was not something I could ever experience with my neurotypical friends and coworkers. I sometimes felt that they did not understand me. That was probably because…
Shannon Des Roches Rosa www.squidalicious.com What I want people to know—and why I write—about parenting my autistic son Photo © Jonathan Mandel [image: A white mother with orange hair holds a toddler on her hip while standing with a young child, as a third child emerges, smiling, from a school bus.] When I realized my middle child was autistic and therefore disabled, I had a visual epiphany similar to the wide-eyed new parent who suddenly sees babies everywhere—except I saw short buses. Short buses. The kind of yellow schoolbuses that take kids like my autistic son to and from school every day. They’re everywhere, and if you don’t believe me, take a tally the next time you drive around any reasonably-sized town. Then think about all the kids who must be riding on those buses, and those kids’ parents and families. Think about all the kids who used to…
Brenda Rothman mamabegood.blogspot.com I had a lovely conversation with another mom of an autistic child, face to face, sipping coffee, while we talked about hot-button issues in the autism community. Without losing respect or good will for each other. Maybe it was the coffee. It was good coffee. We debated “cure:” why some parents want it and why autistic persons are offended by it. She said the desire for a cure would never disappear for some autism parents because their children are more severely challenged. She told me the story of a single mom with an adult autistic son, who was non-verbal, had restricted motor abilities, was self-injurious, and would never live independently. She related how difficult it is for the single mom to handle her grown child, how distraught she is about how she would care for her child as she aged, who would care for her child after…